I wrote this article for a local newsletter in a column for parents of teenagers. The happiness tip applies to all of us and I hope you find some sparkle with this strategy too.
Imagine that you run on battery power, with a special battery pack fitted to your body (a bit like the Duracell bunny). Every time you encounter a challenging situation, from losing your keys to worrying about how you are going to pay the bills at the end of the month, you use up some of your battery power. It is little wonder that after a day filled with challenges and worries, many of us are completely drained and seek solace in a something mind-numbing.
The same process unfolds each day for your teen. Their batteries are drained by different challenges and worries: negotiating their social world (which is basically a battlefield), dealing with school demands, social media, appearance, fitting in, … and, of course, the demands and expectations of an adult world. That grumpy monosyllabic teen you encounter at the end of the day who just wants to hide in their bedroom, may be just as drained of energy as you are.
Fear not – there is hope. In Positive Psychology there is a wonderful idea known as the Broaden and Build Theory. Staying with our metaphorical Duracell Bunny, the theory suggests that every positive emotion you experience is fuel for your battery pack. Throughout the day many little things happen which are not draining, but because we humans are governed by the negativity bias, we often don’t pay these little positive moments, or glimmers, much attention. It is really easy to get some charge back in that battery pack – all that you have to do is intentionally notice those glimmers. For example, remember those pretty Christmas lights you noticed on the way home from work (ping! In goes some fuel) or your friends who insisted on taking you out for an evening drink (Ping! More fuel added). From a moment of pleasure derived from savouring a mince pie to feeling grateful your parents are still here to celebrate this season with you, consciously noticing positive moments can charge your battery to help power you through the difficult times.
The experience of positive emotions is the gift that keeps giving – they can enhance cognitive abilities and help to facilitate emotional and social development. For example, the feeling of joy (or inspiration) may encourage your teen to explore and think and behave in new ways. This could then lead to improved problem-solving skills or even healthier relationships. What’s more, teens who experience higher levels of positive emotions cope better with stress and are less likely to suffer from poor mental health (and depression and anxiety).
This month, I encourage you to grab hold of glimmers. The December holiday can be difficult for teens who may be reeling from exam stress, struggling with friendships and raging hormones. You can help by making magical moments like snuggling with hot chocolate and a film or playing silly music whilst decorating the tree. For even more return on investment, do things for other people with your children. The science on kindness shows this to be the antidote to stress, as all kinds of wonderful things are released in your body when you are kind. And it feels good too.
Help your teen by telling them about the power of glimmers and asking them to share with you what boosted their battery today.
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