Taming Teen Anxiety

Many of the clients I work with—both adults and teens—struggle with anxiety.

Teens report panic attacks and feeling so overwhelmed they can’t go to school, never mind face exams. Some report anxiety so severe they “blank out” during exams despite all the revision they may have done.

Sadly, these teens often end up withdrawing from school and from their friends. Their lives get smaller and many suffer from poor mental health. Whilst this might feel overwhelming it can be managed with the right approach. For teenagers, anxiety often arises in response to stressful situations like exams and driving tests. However, relationship struggles, social pressures, challenges at home, and even day-to-day stressors can contribute to feelings of worry, or dread, in other words, anxiety. 

When you feel stressed, your body is in a state of alert - fight or flight. Our cave-dwelling ancestors had the perfect biological emergency response system to ensure their survival: run away or attack a threat. In such moments they couldn’t pause to think about their options, this would have slowed down their response time and possibly cost their lives. They had to act immediately. Nowadays our threats take a different form and very often we can’t fight or flee, yet our biological response is still the same. You can see how this might work against teens in exams, for example, where they experience a high level of stress which the brain perceives as a threat and so they are not able to access the area of the brain where the relevant information has been stored. 

When your teen is unable to think and is upset or “freaking out”, it is important to help them calm down before attempting to look for solutions. You can help them to access the “thinking brain” by using their breath to calm them down. Encourage them to take long slow belly breaths: in through the nose, out through the mouth. Aiming for the exhale to be longer than the inhale. Do this with them until they are more relaxed.

Invite your now-calmed teen to tell you about their anxiety. As you can imagine, it is important not to interrupt, don’t argue and don’t tell them what to do. Simply providing a safe space to talk and be listened to can help them to feel better. If they start getting upset, return to the breathing.

Once they are calm and you understand the situation, you can then talk through solutions with them. Start with asking them for suggestions. If you tell them what to do, they won’t own it and may be less inclined to try. If they are receptive, you could offer your ideas, but with their permission. When they have decided on a solution get them to run through it, imagining what barriers they may face and how these could be overcome. Doing this helps to make sure your teen owns the solution and mentally rehearsing it helps their brain to prepare for the real thing.

Encourage your teen not to be afraid of emotions. We are built to experience a range of feelings; they exist for a reason.  Teens need to learn to normalise and work through difficult emotions as this will enable them to deal with challenging situations later in life and build their resilience. By allowing your teen to avoid the thing that they’re afraid of, you are teaching them that you believe they are NOT capable of dealing with it. Life is full of challenges and lessons, and we should support our teens through these, helping them to master their anxiety and to channel it. By learning to face their fear and do it anyway, they are exposed to more opportunities and their world can become larger.

Lauren Richards

GMBPsS, MSc, EMCC, HGDipl, Cert Ed., BSocSc 

Psychotherapist and Coaching Psychologist